Friendship section

Motivation and reward

Most people’s first reaction is that no one does anything to help another without getting something out of it, and the tendency is to look for financial or sexual rewards, or for some form of goody points in the form of a religious conversation, or philosophical conquest. In reality many we are not as mercenary as we think we are. In one recent experiment in a large city a male researcher dressed as a businessman pretending to have lost his wallet was able to get 5 out of the first 15 people he talked to, to loan him £15 for a ticket on the sole security of a business card.  Most when questioned had not expected to get the money back, but sympathised sufficiently with the possible situation that they gave him the money.

So why do people become virtual friends. Probably for a variety of reasons, the ability to have friendship returned, the desire to take part in a real life drama, waiting for the next episode to arrive, a chance to consider problem and potential solutions and maybe rehearse situations, to feel good about themselves, as a caring and warm person, or some other.

People often have a feeling that they have to pay back for something, maybe good luck they have had, or to alleviate an obligation they feel due to someone else having helped them. In this way you helping someone has chain reaction, in that without your prompting they may decide to go on and help others. Similarly there are many that believe in Karma, or ‘what comes around goes around’ so that in being a caring and helpful person, they will not only be a valued member of society but also things will tend to go more right for them and those they love. They may even feel they have ‘earned’ sufficient Karma, that they can give some to others.

One of the biggest problem often for people who do help large numbers of people is to account for the reason why they do it when challenged by a person with lower ideals in mind. If someone suggests you have a different motive and you cannot explain your genuine motivation, and even if you can on many occasions, you can be misrepresented. 

In many cases when a person starts out to be a friend, it may be just to meet a need or to respond to the request of help from another.  There will not often be a need by them to identify a reward, and in many cases the reward is subconscious, however the fact that in some way they will get it, could help some people to feel they could accept help, without necessarily looking for hidden motives.

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